Sunday, February 22, 2009


Refresh this thing. By Jeremy Mathews, Chris Bellamy and Jessica Mathews

9:59 - JESSICA: Well, I guess it's better than Crash, Chicago, and Gladiator. Hey guess what guys, a bunch of movies will come out this year! So let's just forget that whole boring ceremony.

9:57 - JEREMY: Well, that was lame-o. Have a good night, all!

9:55 - JESSICA: So even though this was a boring and predictable year, at least for the most part it was better than the first 10 minutes. Although I'm thinking that Hugh Jackman will not be able to go back to back as Oscar host or "Sexiest Man Alive." Jesus in CA it's only 9:00 and it's over.

9:55 - JEREMY: Then they can cut in clips of "The Dark Knight" with the nominees in 10 years.

9:55 - CHRIS: Well OK then. Ten years from now, people will remember "The Dark Knight," not "Slumdog." But it's a cute story. Like Jareth Cutestory.

9:54 - JEREMY: Most boring Oscars ever?


9:52 - JESSICA: I don't even know what to say.

9:52 - JEREMY: Shakespeare in Love won, though, I'll give them that.

9:51 - JEREMY: Raging Bull didn't win, Network didn't win, etc.

9:50 - JEREMY: So, uh, they're cutting the Best Picture nominees with random, usually better films that may or may not have won Best Picture?

9:49 - JESSICA: What the hell?

9:48 - JEREMY: Uh, Citizen Kane didn't win Best Picutre.

9:47 - Little Stevie here to kick some ass. Talking about movies before Talkies, though.

9:45 - JEREMY: Nice callout from Penn, good jokes about how no one likes him. Black was better at politics, because he isn't disliked by everyone. Rourke would have been more fun, of course.

9:44 - JESSICA: FUCK. BOOOO! I can't believe we are denied a Rouke speech

9:43 - JEREMY: And with that, my Oscar predictions turn to nothing.

9:40 - JESSICA: Brody had to google his nominee.

9:40 - CHRIS: Well I'm glad to see they've added more hardcore fellatio to the already masturbatory Oscar ceremony.

9:40 - CHRIS: Haha - once again, Ben Kingsley required to be called "Sir Ben Kingsley." Awesome.

9:39 - JEREMY De Niro can say whatever the hell he wants and you can't do anything to stop him. He even made Sean Penn smile!

9:38 - JEREMY: I mean, it's about those five performers, not people who we already honored.

9:37 - JESSICA: Will the male flattery be more low key?

9:36 - JEREMY: The worst part is ALL THE FUCKING TIME they spend setting up the five presenters. Sweet Jesus.

9:36 - JESSICA: Will the male flattery be more low key?

9:35 - JEREMY: Tomorrow's headline: "Winslet to Streep: Suck it, bitch!"

9:35 - JESSICA: Well I was just hoping for some excitement, not predicting.

9:34 - CHRIS: Is Sophia Loren starring in Gangy 2?

9:33 - JEREMY: Looks like a no, Jess.

9:32 - JESSICA: Oh please have learned something from the Globes, Kate.

9:32 - JESSICA: I don't think watching actresses in Extreme Close-ups while being ridiculously flattered is something we should be subjected to.

9:32 - CHRIS: SHUT UP, PEOPLE! What is this? Stop talking! Why don't you just perform oral sex on each other and get it over with?

9:31 - JEREMY: Oscar thief Jolie! BOOOO!

9:30 - CHRIS: Sophia Loren looks like something from the "Thriller" video.


9:29 - JESSICA: Did MC say "forgettable" while talking up Winslet? I didn't hear an "un" did you?

9:27 - CHRIS: Still no clips? you must be kidding, Academy. HALLE BERRY, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

9:26 - JEREMY: My party is pretty split on the Penn v. Rourke predictions. It will likely decide the Oscar pool.

9:25 - JESSICA: Are they going to do the round table again? I guess so.

9:25 - JESSICA: Well maybe Winslet won't win.

9:25 - CHRIS: Jeremy, you think you've got me trapped in this neat little live blog!

9:25 - JEREMY: Three big awards left! And we get the team of five again!

9:23 - CHRIS: Sunshine was better as well, but that's OK, sci-fi is against the rules!

9:23 - JEREMY: For the record, Chris predicted a Fincher upset. WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW, BELLAMY?

9:23 - JESSICA: Where are the upsets? Other than foreign film.

9:22 - CHRIS: Trainspotting was better, but I forgot the Academy wasn't allowed to honor challenging movies - so they wait until the same guy makes a crowd-pleaser.

9:21 - JEREMY: Boyle loses my respect by complimenting the show.


9:19 - JESSICA: We're not in the fucking Kodak so could we just be fucking full screen already! Zooming in and out of montages does not always add.

9:19 - JESSICA: Which one did Joey Lawrence say?

9:19 - CHRIS: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm concerned only with accuracy.

9:17 - JEREMY: Chris just sent me links from woah/whoa queries to prove his point.

9:15 - JESSICA: I think there is a reason they usually don't focus on a live singer during the memorial montage.

9:15 - CHRIS: Fuckin' A, Richard Widmarck. Fuckin' A, Jules Dassin. Fuckin' A, Stan Winston. Fuckin' A, James Whitmore. FUCKIN' A PAUL NEWMAN

9:12 - CHRIS: About 20 seconds ago, I said - Please don't sing about them. She's not going to sing about them, is she? Please don't sing. But it hasn't turned out as bad as I thought.

9:11 - JEREMY: Until Gus whips out his Best Director upset. Woo! I wasn't paying attention and I have no idea what the fuck Queen Latifa is doing.

9:10 - JESSICA: Chris, I think Boyle's smile is only going to get bigger.

9:08 - JEREMY: Chris and I have different ideas about how to spell "Whoa." One of my friends picked "Departures" and is squealing with glee. Everyone else is talking about how stupid the film is. I haven't seen it. Huge turmoil in our betting pool—not that we bet in Utah.

9:08 - CHIRS: Whoa, huge upset. Oh, Jesus.

9:07 - JEREMY: Woah—I don't think anyone thought "Departures" would win.

9:06 - CHRIS: Did I just see a "Cache" visual reference in that "Revanche" clip?

9:04 - CHRIS: Great game show idea - Danny Boyle is on one side, contestants on the other; they take turns just saying horrible things to him; the first person to get him to stop smiling wins.

9:03 - JESSICA: Shit, why didn't I choose life, I could be getting an Oscar.

9:02 - JESSICA: Everything in Sumdog is just the best.

9:00 - JEREMY: I guess it was three.

8:59 - JESSICA: Please no Beyonce this year. Please tell me that that was 2 songs.

8:58 - CHRIS: Look, if you have Peter Gabriel and he pulls out, John Legend is the next-best thing.
I mean, if you can get someone who sounds absolutely nothing like the guy who sang the song originally, you've gotta lock that down.

8:55 - CHRIS: Oh, please. I forgot it was "just give all the Oscars to one movie" time.

8:53 - JEREMY: I'm wondering where in the world Alicia Keyes could be.

8:51 - JESSICA: There's only three this year.

8:50 - JEREMY: Are they gonna do all the fucking songs at once again?

8:48 - JEREMY: Forget recovering from "Australia's" tanked B.O., it'll take Baz a while to live down that god-awful medley. Let's hope the Dreamgirls folks forced it on him. (Please?)

8:48 - CHRIS: Is it just me, or is Robin Wright Penn still one of the most gorgeous women in Hollywood? I submit that it is not just me. She actually looks like she hasn't botoxed the shit out of her face like Nicole Kidman (who's younger).

8:45 - JEREMY: Jerry gets a standing O for keeping it short and sweet.

8:42 - CHRIS: Eddie Murphy? Seriously? Is he going to stomp out like an indignant child again? No, even better—he's going to steal that Oscar he's holding.

8:37 - JEREMY: I mentioned the Slumdog, Dark Knight split in the blog, but doubled up on "The Dark Knight" instead. Kicking myself now. Second miss after Doc shorts.

8:37 - CHRIS: Is Danny Boyle ever not smiling? Was he grinning like that when he shot the terrifying dead-baby-on-the-ceiling scene in Trainspotting? Did the AIDS subplot just have him tickled pink?

8:35 - JEREMY: So I'm thinking "Slumdog" sweeps the rest of its categories, eh?

8:34 - JEREMY: Editing also part of action genre. Good to know.

8:33 - JESSICA: Slumdog not Helping.

8:32 - CHRIS: Don't worry, Academy - WALL-E didn't have great sound mixing.

8:29 - JESSICA: Dark Knight win is helping.

8:28 - JESSICA: Man, I think the academy was hoping one of the other movies would win visual effects so they could try to sell the concept that this is the action movie portion of the Oscars.

8:28 - JEREMY: I still think bad CG young actors disqualify CCoBB, but whatever, the best parts look great.

8:28 - CHRIS: Wooo!

8:26 - JESSICA: CCoBB is an action movie because it uses visual effects.

8:26 - JEREMY: I loved that they built up to an award for "Benjamin Button" with an action montage.

8:25 - JESSICA: Action movies = post production? I love the transition where they pull out of a CG monitor and push into another one.

8:25 - JEREMY: Great music video.

8:24 - CHRIS: great, don't let us actually appreciate any of the choreography and composition that goe into creating a great action scene - just throw 2-second clips on top of each other.

8:24 - CHRIS: so apparently cars are the only things that involve action?

8:20 - CHRIS: Hey, action movies will include The Dark Knight and Pineapple Express. Lighten up! oh, and Paranoid Park as well.... right?

8:19 - JESSICA: Action Movies!! Can't wait!

8:16 - CHRIS: Man on Wire! WOOO!

8:15 - JEREMY: Maher thinks his documentary didn't get nominated because it was a touchy subject. It was also pretty sloppy, but whatever, Bill.

8:15 - CHRIS: Nice, keep plugging your mediocre movie, Bill.

8:14 - CHRIS: Great! The incompetent filmmakers behind Trouble the Water!

8:12 - JEREMY: Nice moment in Ledger's memory. And great that Gooding got in those jokes right before it!

8:10 - CHRIS: Congratulations, Heath. RIP.

8:06 - JESSICA: Great, he's getting some great jokes out there.

8:06 - CHRIS: Is Cuba Gooding Jr. interviewing for a job? Or is he trying to host next year's Oscars?

8:04 - JEREMY: How do you think they decided who gets to deliver drivel on Ledger?

8:04 - CHRIS: Great - more pointless talking instead of actual clips. Can't wait. Yeah, we definitely don't want to see clips of Ledger's Joker; we just want people to talk about him more

8:03 - JESSICA: I think they should be trying to let people forget that Cuba Gooding Jr. won an oscar, but whatever. I wonder who gets the pep talk from him.

8:03 - JEREMY I still think they should've been doing this five-person thing for all of 'em.

8:00 - JEREMY: I thought they didn't allow movie ads on the Oscars. Tough times.

8:00 - JESSICA: Should they really be peaking our interest now for a Sandra Bullock movie that doesn't come out until June 12th?

8:00 - CHRIS: Um...well "The Proposal" looks worse than I could have imagined.

7:59 - JESSICA: So I thought the academy had made an effort to tone down these things.

7:59 - CHRIS: Wow, that was an awful display from Baz Luhrmann.

7:59 - JESSICA: No Baz, how could you?

7:56 - JEREMY: How long can this fucking thing last?

7:55 - CHRIS: Who the goddamn fuck put together this medley? Oh yeah - the assholes who made Dreamgirls. It's on mute and I'm just watching Beyonce now. Please end soon.

7:54 - CHRIS: Well Beyonce just fixed this number by herself.

7:53 - JESSICA: I spoke too soon. Oh no. This is all my fault.

7:53 - JEREMY: You ever hear of speaking too soon, Jess?

7:53 - CHRIS: What's wrong with Hugh Jackman, Jess? Aside from the fact that he's not Ricky Gervais, I mean. And isn't a funny host.

7:49 - JESSICA: Well, at least there hasn't been a lot of Hugh Jackman.

7:49 - CHRIS: Did you see that fist pump, like he's surprised at all? You made a movie about the Holocaust - of course you won. Next year, make a movie about a disabled immigrant who dies in Hurricane Katrina while battling a drug problem.

7:49- JEREMY: Still waiting for my perfect record to crack.

7:48 - CHRIS: Did you see that fist pump, like he's surprised at all? You made a movie about the Holocaust - of course you won. Next year, make a movie about a disabled immigrant who dies in Hurricane Katrina while battling a drug problem.

7:48 - CHRIS: What a shock! A Holocaust movie wins an Academy Award. Whoa! Oscars coming out their ass!

7:47 - JEREMY: Did anyone bet against the Holocaust short?

7:46 - JEREMY: Love the laughing at "The Reader."

7:45 - CHRIS: Wel I thought "Doubt" was hilarious, too.

7:41 - JEREMY: They even had potboiler horror movies before the talkies! But—strangely—no Holocaust Movies.

7:38 - CHRIS: Are they going to do a Holocaust Movie yearbook? That might take hours.

7:37 - JEREMY: Jessica: Who needs iMax when you have DV?

7:36: - JESSICA: Come on, is "Slumdog" going to sweep? Fucking IMAX means nothing to this people.

7:35 - JESSICA: I can't wait for the potboiler horror movies yearbook.

7:35 - JEREMY: Sadly predictable Best-Picture piggy backing, Academy.

7:33 - CHRIS: This is his best performance since Extras.

7:32 - CHRIS: Oh God, he's doing Joaquin Phoenix. Classic.

7:30 - JESSICA: I almost thought maybe they won't give it to the Duchess for a second, so silly.

7:30 - CHRIS: Cool Hitchcockian Coke commercial.

7:29 - JEREMY: A Judd Apatow short. Sounds promising.

7:28 - CHRIS: Hey cool, we caught a glimpse of Nicole Kidman's terrifiying, Botoxed face.

7:28 - CHRIS: They''re actually going to make a "Nights in Rodanthe" reference? And "What Happens in Vegas"?

7:27 - JESSICA: Romance in 2008! What other genres are coming?

7:27 - JEREMY: Great, another movie yearbook. Guess what? They had love stories even before the talkies! No shit. Who'dathought? And Jessica's here now!

7:26 - CHRIS: Hey look, that guy from "Twilight" has slightly less retarded hair now! Bravo.

7:26 - CHRIS: Suck it! JEREMY: Well, I predicted it right.

7:24 - CHRIS: Where's the revival of "The Duchess'" weird, inexplicable lesbian scene I asked for?

7:23 - JEREMY: Oscar says, "These categories are so useless, we'll just hand them out as fast as we can.

7:22 - CHRIS: Whoa! An 18th-century costume drama won for best costume design! Because if there are poofy dresses and powdered wigs involved, it must be great costume design! SHOCKING! --- JEREMY: I certainly was taken aback.

7:21 - CHRIS: Wow, so it's NOT just "Sex and the City" - Sarah Jessica Parker is incompetent even when she's reading a teleprompter.

7:19 - JEREMY: Is it just me, or did the production design set make it look like they were giving them their award in a scuzzy hole-in-the-wall across from the main theater?

7:18 - JEREMY: One award for "CCoBB" that doesn't bug me. But Makeup and effects still will.

7:17 - CHRIS: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for "Revolutionary Dogshit."

7:14 - JEREMY: So…maybe bring Fey and Martin back and tell Jackman he can just watch the rest?
CHRIS: Shit yeah. I'm all for more Tina Fey and more Steve Martin. And more Tina Fey.

7:10 - CHRIS: Um....this speech is so stereotypical, it shouldn't even be real. I feel guilty. Sank you very much!

7:07 - CHRIS: Thank God - no repeat of the Annie Awards travesty!

7:06 - CHRIS: My God, they're actually acknowledging "The Clone Wars" at the Oscar ceremony? Did George Lucas buy the Kodak Theatre or something?

7:05 - CHRIS: That was actually a hilarious joke by Jack Black—apparently DreamWorks doesn't have much of a sense of humor. I love when the room gets uncomfortable.

7:04 - JEREMY: A movie yearbook! Wait, this isn't a clip from "WALL-E!" I'm glad "Space Chimps" got its Oscar due.

7:01 - JEREMY: The first of a torrent of "Slumdog" awards. I wonder if Beaufoy will make it to the south pole next year.

7:00 - JEREMY: Spoiler alert—she can't read!

6:59 - JEREMY: Nice speech, DLB.

6:57 - CHRIS: Score another one for me. One of the strongest categories except for Frozen River, so I'm at least not bitterly disappointed.

6:56 - JEREMY: Another correct prediction. I think I'll just head out now and assume the 100% holds.

6:56 - JEREMY: Even with "Frozen River" pulling things down, this lot is much better than the adapted jokers.


6:54 - JEREMY: I want five fucking screenwriters! But that was more entertaining than the first part.

6:52 - CHRIS: Happy to see Tina Fey make an appearance. She's already my favorite presenter.

6:50 - JEREMY: Well, that was fun. I can't wait to watch the five-presenter thing for EVERY DAMN AWARD. If they don't have five fucking sound designers, I'm gonna be pissed. Longest ceremony ever?

6:48 - JEREMY: Me, right. Chris, wrong. Both of us, happy.

6L48 - CHRIS: That felt like it took 20 minutes. Brought the entire show to a halt. But hooray for Penelope Cruz!

6:47 - CHRIS: If that's seriously the case, it's the most retarded idea I've ever heard. Do they actually think viewers are interested in hearing actors talk about other actors? Instead of clips?

6:45 - CHRIS: OK, wait - are they actually going to substitute actual CLIPS of the actors' performances with random actors TALKING about them? Really?

6:45 - JEREMY: Whoopi reminds people of "Sister Act," too. Nice.

6:44 - CHRIS: Whoa -- five presenters. That's more than one! They really ARE going all-out this year. Let's hear it for the "Dreamgirls" team!

6:44 - JEREMY: This silliness gives me time to prepare for my first wrong prediction of the night.

6:42 - JEREMY: They want to remind people that "Ghost" won an Oscar?

6:42 - CHRIS: Oh God - Kramer vs. Kramer reference. Are they going to show the part at the end where her character gets crushed by the elevator door? What...that didn't happen? Well it should have.

6:40 - JEREMY: They told the actors to be ready for surprises—now we know why.

6:38 - CHRIS: Was that a Sprockets reference?

6:37 - JEREMY: My friend just asked if this was worse than Snow White/Lowe. I don't think I'd go that far.

6:35 - JEREMY: RIcky Gervais definitely couldn't have topped this.

6:33 - JEREMY: Wow, they stole the Spirit Awards' idea and made it totally shitty. Or maybe they just made Crystal's schtick shitty.

6:32 - JEREMY: This dude is talking about Australia. Did everyone see "Flight of the Conchords" last night?

6:30 - JEREMY: So Chris and I are like totally live-blogging this motherfucker.

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