Saturday, September 18, 2010

Go Gay: A Serious Academic Discussion in the Form of a Top-5 List

The great Buster Keaton, coming straight at you
and ready to pounce.

About a month ago, David Quin of the Free Ed Podcast began to populate his Twitter feed with a long list of men for whom he'd "go gay." We're talking about a long list. It might have been faster for him to name those who didn't make the list.

Anyhow, THE FUTURIST! and I concluded that we too should make top 5 "Go Gay" lists in Mr. Quin's honor. And after quite a bit of wishy-washy delay, our lists are here. There may be one or two differences in eligibility requirements, no doubt because we kept changing them (I had down that all the honorees would be from the cinematic arts, but THE FUTURIST! included an author), but both our lists are now live. Read THE FUTURISTS!'s here and read mine below.

The white stuff in his face came out
of that thing in his mouth.

Jean-Paul Belmondo
We all know that Belmondo has some impressive facial contortions up his sleeves, and I don't see how that couldn't come in handy in the bedroom. But that's not why he made the list. No, he made it for his assured presence, his ability to be suave one moment and silly the next, without ever losing his sexual aura.

The touch, the feel…

Joseph Cotten
Among the many men on Mr. Quin's list was any-era Orson Welles (despite THE FUTURIST!'S concerns that older Welles would crush Quin). But I'm oriented more toward Welles's friend and colleague at the Mercury and beyond. You can tell that Cotten knows how to treat a fellow. He'd make me feel safe, and I'd let him do whatever he wanted to me, trusting that I was in good hands.

Jessica Mathews: "I think it would be fun to run a newspaper with Joseph Cotten, especially when we have to work late alone together at night."

Me: "Get him a little drunk."

Jessica: "Maybe a lot."

"He may have starred in 'The Third Man' but he's the first man whose mouth I want to put my balls into" — TJ Fogelsanger

Speaking of which…

Keaton's pioneering of tea-bagging has
been woefully overlooked.

Buster Keaton
This should come as no surprise to anyone who has ever spoken to me for more than 38 seconds. Buster could stand erect while my facade fell down around him any time. There are a number of reasons for which to go gay for Buster, each of which would be a good enough reason on its own. He is a genius—both a master storyteller and innovative craftsman, and cinema IQ turns me on. And we all know how flexible he is. The man toured the country taking a licking on stage and was always back up and ready for more before you could shout for it. And there's no question he'll finish the job—if he can complete a take after breaking his neck, think what he can do while roughing it in the sack.

Sometimes Ewan makes one pray for a gust of wind.
Or: 120-proof Scotch

Ewan McGregor
That smile. That grace. That gentle yet rugged presence. Look at the way Ewan's eyes light up as he sings "Your Song" in "Moulin Rouge!" and tell me you don't swoon. You can't do it, can you? The man is simply dreamy, in the most sexual sense of the word. (Would that be wet-dreamy?)

"I don't know what's under the kilt. I only know I want it in my ass." —TJ Fogelsanger

The hand slightly obscuring his face only
makes me want him more.

Mark Ruffalo
Ruffalo, say it aloud. The name rolls off the tongue, just as I'm sure the man himself rolls off the tongue. Studly and unassuming, Ruffalo is always impressive, and never worried about proving himself. That's right, folks, he doesn't need to compensate for anything.

"I hope people try to give me a lobotomy just so I can hang out with Mark Ruffalo all weekend." —Jessica Mathews


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Quite ribald in some of your descriptive text, Jeremy. THE FUTURIST tried to more ... romantic. Anywho, kudos on your list and participating in this venture of male security. No one can dispute that you and THE FUTURIST! are secure males. *cough cough* Oh ... where was your WILD CARD GO GAY FOR pick?

Dara said...

I found your list through The Futurist!. Interesting choices! Good call on Joseph Cotten.