Sunday, April 1, 2007

On Easter Candy

I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't advise people that Cadbury Royal Dark Mini Eggs are not as good as the company's original, milk chocolate Mini Eggs. While the combination of dark chocolate's sensual flavor and the addictive decadence of Mini Eggs may sound like a combination that's too good to pass up, it sadly is a dissonant disappointment.

The Cadbury Royal Dark bars are undeniably delicious, but the chocolate doesn't mesh with the crisp, sugary-shell with the same orgasmic taste stimulation that the milk chocolate Mini Eggs deliver. When you're buying your Easter candy, stick with the classic. (Or, in the very least, sample a small pack before buying the big bag.)

4 comments:

Christophe von Bellamy said...

As he did two years ago in his assessment of "A History of Violence," Mr. Matthews has once again missed the mark.

The Cadbury Royal Dark Mini Eggs are, indeed, superior to their milk-chocolate counterparts. The dark chocolate eggs are sexual and violent, and quench the most secret urges of one's taste buds. People like Mr. Matthews fear this urge; they fear what the dark chocolate can do to their senses; they fear the satisfication it brings.

The dark-chocolate eggs have just the right amount of crackle, just the right amount of crunch. But there's something deeper there - the rich taste of the chocolate blends seemlessly with the gentle texture of the outer shell, creating one super-flavor that not only melts in your mouth, but into your soul. To eat a dark-chocolate mini eggs is like drinking the tears of Jesus.

This is, of course, nothing against the traditional eggs, but the dark chocolate offers a more powerful alternative to the delicious — but safe and rather conventional-tasting — milk-chocolate eggs.

Christophe von Bellamy said...

I apologize for spelling your last name incorrectly. It's 'Mathews,' I know.

Janean said...

We like to keep a bowl of Jesus tears handy by the sofa.

Jessica said...

sad but true, those royal dark mini eggs were a major disappointment.