Monday, November 1, 2010

THE Tracklist for Sufjan Stevens's 'Utah'

Back in the glory days of The Salt Shaker magazine, the staff named Sufjan Stevens's Illinois the no. 1 album of 2005. In honor of the occasion, Brent Sallay got the scoop of the Century: the official track listing for Sufjan's Utah. Sure, Sufjan recently called his 50 States Project a joke and a gimmick. And having only covered Illinois and Michigan in the past seven years, he may not be on pace to finish this thing in the next century. But in honor of Sufjan's Salt Lake City show tonight at Kingsbury Hall, here is Brent Sallay's classic list:

Sufjan Stevens Says, "Utah— They Really Laid This Place Out Well"

1. To the Pioneers Who Settled in Magna by Accident

2. To the Five Polygamist Wives in Colorado City That I Saw Once at an Arby’s

3. The Great Salt Lake Divide, or “This Is the Place,” or “No, It Isn’t,” or “Yes, It Is,” or “Dude, Seriously,” or “If You Build It, They Will Come.”

4. Mormons in Danger!!

5. At the Point of Your Mountain, I Will Meet You, I Will Meet You

6. The Jordan River

7. To the Frail Old Lady Who Couldn’t Cross the Street Because All the Orange Flags Were on the Other Side

8. Steve Young, Move Back to Utah Please!!!

9. The Great TRAX Massacre of 2027— Which Will Have Occurred by the Time Sufjan Stevens Gets Around to Making This Album

10. Onward Olympic Soldiers!

11. A Five-Second Interlude That Pales in Comparison to the Experience of Actually Witnessing the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in Person, or “I Lost My Wallet at Temple Square, Can You Please Help Me Find It?” or “Missionaries, Look Elsewhere! I Have Already Found Jesus!”

12. Exclamation Points! Placed Incongruously Throughout !!! a Sent!ence That Is Already Suffic!iently Exclamatory! Without!!!!! Them (Sorry, that was a cheap shot.) (!)

13. President Bush Visits!

14. What a Kind Bunch of Lads at the Salt Shaker Magazine!

15. Democrats Attack!! Oh Me, O My!!

16. Lay Thy Head on My Pillow, Rocky Anderson, Cry Thy Tears on My Shoulder, Olene Walker, We Carry On and On Until That Great Millennial Day
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